Please Don't Let This Thing Be Named 'iSlate'

Over the holidays, several revelations came to light about the fabled Apple (Nasdaq: AAPL) tablet computer -- which, even to this day, Apple hasn't admitted exists. The revelations:

One, Apple has rented a stage at the Yerba Buena Center for the Arts in San Francisco, where the company is expected to make a big announcement on Jan. 26 or 27.

Two, in a flurry of online investigations, MacRumors, courtesy of a tip from iPhone app developer Mark Gurman, reported that Apple owns the domain name "iSlate.com." Then TechCrunch found that Apple seems to have set up a shell company called "Slate Computing."

Finally, MacRumors took its turn again and noted that the signatory for a trademark application for the shell company appeared to be Regina Porter, who also, according to her LinkedIn profile, seems to be an Apple senior trademark specialist.

At this point, the mainstream tech press started running with "iSlate" stories, seemingly happy enough with the new moniker.

I think it sucks.

What's In a Name?

Personally, I think iSlate is a terrible name, and if there's one specification of Apple's tablet -- if and when Apple unveils one -- I just hope it doesn't have "iSlate" written anywhere on it. Processor, storage, screen size ... doesn't matter so much. But iSlate? Is it the dumbest name ever?

Indubitably, names are critical things. The Amazon (Nasdaq: AMZN) Kindle stakes out a name that doesn't immediately associate itself with a generic e-book reader, as does Barnes & Noble's (NYSE: BKS) Nook. Conversely, what are Sony's (NYSE: SNE) e-book readers called? There's a half-dozen models, each starting with "PRS-" and a number, like PRS-300 or the PRS-600, which is also known as the "Sony Reader Touch Edition," but there's also the PRS-900, which is the "Daily Edition."

Really? Sony is one of the most technically savvy electronics companies in the world, and this is the best it can do in a consumer space? Is anyone making bets that Sony will be able to create a line of e-book readers -- or tablet computers -- that'll actually affect the world in any meaningful way?

Not me.

Of course, remember the Sony Walkman? It still exists! Back in the day, the Sony Walkman was all the rage -- great name for the '80s -- but what about today's digital MP3 Walkman players? They might be profitable for Sony, but again, are they really influential to the world at large? Let's put it this way: I actually considered deleting this whole mention of the Walkman because I'm concerned that only a handful of readers will have any brand recognition for the Walkman at all. Really interested? Check out Walkman on Wikipedia.

Before 'iMac,' It Was Something Hideous

Moving on, there's a great interview with Ken Segall, the guy who came up with the iMac name, on Cult of Mac. Segall is also the author of the Think Different campaign that helped reinvent Apple as a renegade innovator. Then came the iMac. Apparently, when Apple CEO Steve Jobs unveiled the first Bondi-Blue iMac to the marketing agency and tasked them to come up with a great name for it, the team thought it was a terrible product. Turns out, the suggested name that Jobs had for it was even worse.

Apparently, Segall said the name, which he wouldn't identify, was so bad it would "curdle your blood." As for the iMac name, initially Jobs hated it and rejected it, several times over. As history shows, he came around.

So, how does this relate to iSlate? Also in that interview, Segall noted that there's been some discussion at Apple over the years to drop the "i" moniker from iMac, etc., but he says there's also a desire to keep it consistent: iMac, iPod, iPhone. "It's not as clean as it should be, but it works," he noted.

So potentially -- and even though Apple ditched the iBook in favor of the MacBook -- there may be some desire for Apple to retain the "i" naming scheme. Hence, the near instant acceptance of "iSlate" on blogs and the tech press.

I still hate it.

Slates, Stones and Sticks

Why does any of this naming stuff really matter? Compared to real-world problems, it doesn't. But it has an affect on device owners who spend many of their waking hours using them to work on the most interesting, exciting, relaxing, and intimate details of their lives -- in this way, the iPhone becomes less of a simple electronic device and more of an important thing. Think repeat customers. Think brand loyalty. Could the iPod have become a runaway hit if it was called the XKG-300 Digital Music Listener?

Now, I'm not sure that many people agree that "iSlate" sucks. For me, it instantly conjures the image of a slab of rock and pencil-like writing device. It's not particularly friendly. It doesn't particularly lend itself to flexible functionality. I think work, and I imagine a doctor scribbling on an iSlate with a stylus in a hospital room.

What an Apple tablet needs to suggest in order to be worth what will likely be a steep purchase price is a sense of flexible power, the ability to be more than e-reader, to be more than a music and video player, to be more than an iPod or an iPhone -- and more than a MacBook. This doesn't mean it has to have more power than a MacBook, just that it has a new kind of functionality that a traditional form factor laptop doesn't provide.

There's been a bit of slang out there that dubbed the iPod touch the "iTouch." It's possible that Apple bought the iSlate.com domain name as a defensive move to keep competitors, or even iPhone and iPod touch app developers, from using it. In this case, whew. Still, might Apple be considering the "slate" name? There's another option, of course: the obvious "iPod slate."

Now this is a name I can get behind. Why? It identifies the device as having all the functionality of an iPod -- the App Store, the email, the Web browsing, movies, and games -- and it gives it the extra workhorse punch with "slate." It's distinctive while leveraging the brand Apple already created.

Odds are, Apple created the name months ago. And while I'm pretty sure Apple wouldn't name something "iSlate," I've got a big black permanent marker sitting on my desk just in case.